Number 6

THE RULES OF KNOWING

There is understanding and then there is knowing. Is there a difference? There is a big difference. Understanding is cognitive, intellectual, thinking, logical, one dimensional, shallow. Knowing is multi-sensual, intellectual, emotional, often physical, even spiritual, deep.
Understanding can be defended, justified and explained. Knowing is unexplainable, sublime; it just is!

Knowing goes to the heart of consciousness, to simple awareness. When we know something it is deep and pervasive that there is no way to escape it. It is an absolute in our life. It cannot be defended, avoided or denied. Asking “Why?” is a waste of thought and energy, a strategy to avoid truth or self-responsibility. Defending what is truly known is unnecessary..useless.

When we know, all related questions and answers become simple and obvious. We “know” the causes, the costs, the rewards, and the consequences of our attitudes and our actions.

The Rules of Knowing:
1.    You don’t know what you don’t know.
2.    You don’t know what you know until you know you know it.
3.    Once you know what you know, you have no excuse to act against that truth.

1.    YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW.
A colleague of mine, Rusty Stewart, Ph.D. shared this rule with me in a discussion about consciousness and awareness. You can’t know anything without awareness that some condition exists, awareness that you exist. Stephen Levine, an author, therapist, and expert on meditation and Eastern thought describes awareness of self as “Unh,” the realization that you exist here and now in this location at this present moment. Everything is awareness. All the ideas and thoughts and physical feelings, and emotions are part of that universe are “Unh,” the awareness of your existence.

There are lots of events that go on all around you and even within you that you are unaware of. So they do not exist…in you. You haven’t noticed them. You haven’t become conscious of them or aware of them. Events and conditions emerge all the time and introduce new things about yourself. Once they enter your awareness you perceive them based on your genetics and your earlier life experience, and each condition adds to what you know. Sometimes other people notice things about you. That notice is part of their awareness of you. If they don’t tell you what they have noticed, you remain oblivious, unaware. If they do tell you what they notice, the information becomes part of your awareness, and at the very least you are aware of that person’s perception about you. They are not you, so the best they can do is become aware of their perception about you. You then realize that this is how you have been seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted or in some other way sensed from the outside. At this moment of awareness of another’s perception about you, your cognitive self takes charge and you choose to honor or reject the perception of that other person. But now you know something; how you are perceived by another, and this knowledge has added a new sensitivity to your awareness of yourself whether you want it or not. YOU KNOW SOMETHING THAT YOU DIDN”T KNOW BEFORE. You cannot “unknow” it. You still don’t know what you don’t know, but each moment you become aware of or conscious of new experiences or stimulations or reactions you increase what you know about yourself.

2.    YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW UNTIL YOU KNOW YOU KNOW IT.
Some months ago I met a person at a holiday party who planted the seed that has led to this writing. His name is Alexander Christakis, Ph.D., a physicist who now works all over the world helping, individuals, communities, and organizations communicate and work sensitively and effectively together. He spoke the above statement, and in an instant I became aware of how plain, simple and clear his wisdom of that moment was. We spent the rest of that evening discussing the implications and the consequences of that simple statement. We went from sublime to intellectual, but before the evening was over returned to sublime, to the simple elegance of this Rule of Knowing.

You know something when you experience it at every level of your being, your senses, your thinking, your physical feeling, your emotion, and your spirit (soul, belief, awareness.) You don’t have to be a genius to know; you simply have to be aware, open to receive the information and willing to add to your knowledge about yourself. And, you know you know it because there is a shift that tells you “This is the truth about me!” There is no need to justify or explain; it just is, just like “I am,” “Unh!”

There is no need to explain it any further. You all know what I mean. Sometimes this knowledge is a slight addition to your personal database. Each new knowing creates at least tiny adjustments to how you live your life, and at other times the knowing brings about a paradigm shift, a total adjustment that changes everything. That’s it…UNH!

3.    ONCE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE TO ACT                                CONSCIOUSLY AGAINST THAT TRUTH.
With every addition of knowing no matter how small your life experience changes, everything you do is different, if you are aware of what you are doing. Yet sometimes…often in fact you still don’t change. Seemingly even with additional knowledge you do the same unproductive, even self-destructive behaviors. Moving to the cognitive for a moment, “Why do I continue to act like I don’t know when I know?” OK that’s enough cognitive. There are simple answers. You are either acting unconsciously, without awareness of what you are doing, or you are acting against what you know perhaps because of your fear of change or perhaps your reluctance to accept the consequences of change. Usually though you are simply unconscious, you forgot what you know…for the moment. By the time you become aware of your neglect of what you know, you are either in the midst of your action or you have completed your action with the usual old results. Becoming conscious of your unconsciousness can help you return to the knowing path.

The Rules of Knowing then may be seen as a rationale for Psychotherapy. Simply psychotherapy should stimulate more and more opportunities to add to knowledge, to bring to consciousness (Freud), to awareness more and more about yourself so that you can live your life most effectively, most self constructively and most authentically. The counselor or psychotherapist should serve as a facilitator who reflects the client, shares perceptions, and offers alternatives to help the client increase his/her knowledge and become aware of oneself to experience the best of what one’s life can experience.

Perhaps I’ll write a book about this. Then again, what would be the point of more cognitive psychobabble? The Rules of Knowing are simple and elegant enough. All the rest is just thinking.