AuthenticityDialogue’s

SHRINK RAP

                   Number 1                       

More Than Just Self-Talk

When we were toddlers life was simple.  We were told what to do and how to do it in simple terms by our parents.  We learned about relationships in simple terms too...as taught by our parents.  As we navigated through childhood we added complexity by relating to brothers and sisters, to other relatives, to neighbors, to teachers and to classmates.  We learned how to think, feel, and believe in many complicated ways.  We learned how to act in order to please, to fit in, and to be loved.

By the time we entered our teens we thought we knew all there was to know.  Yet each new experience brought new results, some positive and some negative.  We  began to form close relationships outside of our family.  We became aware of our sexuality and attraction.  We learned for ourselves how to be successful with others, and how to fail.  We learned how to feel good about ourselves, and how to feel bad about ourselves.  We noticed our personal power and our personal powerlessness.

We started to believe that life was no longer simple, that every situation comes with lots of complications and consequences.  Our feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about ourselves became permanent; we knew ourselves and liked or disliked who we were becoming or who we had become.  We believed we couldn't change or perhaps we don't want to change, or it would be too frightening to change.  Most of us have settled into comfort or discomfort with who we are.  Uh oh...Change might mean starting over, and who wants to do that?

Some of us are unhappy with ourselves and/or unhappy with our relationships or our lack of relationships.  We become nervous, anxious, or uncomfortable, and perhaps seek counseling or psychotherapy.  Some of us chose to work out our problems ourselves.  All of us realize that life as an adult is complicated.  Starting a process of self exploration and change is scary, like sky diving into a black hole.  "If I start, I'll probably be in therapy for years."  "I'll have to tell all of my secrets."  "I'll find out how sick I really am."

From another point of view: "I am unhappy because of what others have done to me.  They should be in therapy, not me!  It's their fault that I am unhappy."  "My unhappy childhood (my parents) caused my problems.  It's my wife's/my husband's fault that I am unhappy.  It's my job that is the source of my problems, but I can't just quit...at my age"

Never mind... I'll just keep my problems to myself...and ACT like everything's fine.  Yes, our ACT is what we show to the world, even to those closest to us.  We work hard to show people what we want them to see, or how they seem to want us to be.  Most of us have been acting roles to impress or to meet the expectations of others for so long, that we are not sure who we really are.  Is your act the WHO you want to be… the real, authentic, and genuine you? 

Here are 6 ways to check yourself.

1. How do I feel about myself? Nervous? Unhappy? Depressed? Worried?  Happy?  Content? Angry?  Guilty?

2. How do I feel about others? Am I happy with them? Resentful of them? Angry at them?  Better than they are?  Inferior to them?

3. Don't I like others more when I like myself more?

4. When I feel great and the weather is good, isn't life simpler and more agreeable?

5. When I'm healthy and rested, I feel better about me, about others and about the world...good things seem to come my way.

6. In most situations, do I expect the best or the worst.

Risk sitting down with someone close to you and BE AUTHENTIC.